Fear and Grieving for Lost Food

I had my gallbladder removed in my early 20's and was immediately diagnosed with IBS-D, and told that was normal for many people having their gallbladder removed.I'm 32 now, and it's been many years since I've experienced really bad IBS symptoms, and suddenly last Friday I had some of the worst pain I've had since the gallstones, and now I can barely eat anything without sharp and gnawing pains and bloating and gas... I'm down to almonds and rice and a few fruits and veggies.But I spent the last few years learning how to cook and I'm good at it! And I just bought a fancy new knife... and... I'm just overwhelmed with grief for what I might be losing as I see stories of people having this kind of pain all the time.Maybe it's a small thing to harp on, but garlic??! I can't lose garlic! How will I make anything taste better? My beloved Caesar salads!See, the thing is, I had an eating disorder. A really, really severe binge eating disorder. And I learned how to cook to manage it, at my therapist's advice... This just blows all that recovery out of the water and my first response about dealing with it is eating, so that's out, and my second is despair, which I reject, so I'm just floundering.I just went hunting through my recipes and found ONE that I can make again. It's a ray of hope in what has been a painful week where I had to cancel everything, slept through all the evenings where I could have been with my husband...I'm feeling panicked and raw and lonely. And I'm trying to see the other side. It's been a really, really hard week.Words of encouragement would be appreciated, if you can spare them from your own suffering. via /r/ibs https://ift.tt/2Hltg1Q