Trying to be the best version of myself

This is going to be a VERY long post. I’m going to open up to the Internet. I would appreciate if you could share this if someone else needs to read it too. If you know me well, you know I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I used to take diet pills and not eat. Back when I was in my early years of college. I worked 7 days a week, I had 3 jobs, I was in school full time 50mins from my house, it was a lot. I was severely depressed, drinking CONSTANTLY, and not eating. I realized it was bad when I almost blacked out behind the wheel Driving home from school, I couldn’t breathe, my vision started going black. I started doing good for a long time until I found out I had Chronic Pancreatitis and my Dad died. I started to use food as an emotional outlet. I was binging food when I would be sad or mad or happy. I knew something was wrong. I had my surgery and got my confidence back and my relationship with food got a little better but I have Type 1 Diabetes now and I need to watch what I eat. I started binging again and gained back a large amount of the weight I lost plus I was Destroying my health. My blood sugar was so difficult to manage and I wasn’t being honest about what I ate and how much I ate. Then I started watching YouTube a lot more. I got big into beauty gurus like @MannyMua733 , @GlamandGore , @MadeULookbyLex , and @JeffreeStar when I had My surgery. Through them over time I discovered new favorites like @GlamLifeGuru and @jackieaina. From there somehow one day YouTube recommended @maryanadvorska. Maryana has multiple videos about the importance of having a healthy relationship with food & how she didn’t have A healthy relationship with food and what she did to fix it. I was already slowly starting to workout again but my diet was horrible and I was only working out cause I would literally be repulsed by the way I looked in the mirror. I am blessed that I have an incredibly Loving and supportive boyfriend that always says I’m beautiful and I don’t need to lose weight. At the end of the day, no matter how much him or anyone else says it, I didn’t agree. I hated how I looked. I started to really watch Maryana’s videos, her #MunchyMonday videos And workout routines. I even got some @WomensBestTeam products she recommended, which their BCAAs are DELICIOUS! I recently was suggested through YouTube a woman called @SamOzkural. Sam is similar to Maryana where she talks about the importance of a healthy relationship With food and many other topics. I haven’t watched many of her videos but she is already one of my favorites. I messaged Sam on IG about a journal, if she keeps one for her food and stuff. I’ve been wanting to start a bullet journal for a long time but I am NOT AT ALL artistic but the type of things I want to journal I know a bulletin journal is the best type. I want to track my mood, my food, how foods make me feel, my workouts, recipes to try, set goals, etc. so if you have any tips for vegan or vegetarian meals, workout ideas, Motivational tips/quotes, really anything but especially tips on starting a bullet journal when you can’t draw a line, I would appreciate it. I want to work on becoming the best version of myself this year, that was my goal for 2018. It started out rocky but it’s not too late. I’m going to start using my social media platforms more to hold myself accountable. If you want to follow me on my journey please follow me on Twitter which is Emonte013 and IG which is Emonte13. If you want to start a journey too, let’s do it together. Please keep all negative comments to yourself. via /r/MentalHealthSupport https://ift.tt/2tQqrgr