I, as typically always is the case with a lot of people who contract herpes, am a very sexually "safer" person. By that I mean I have always used condoms and have had the audacity to ask men to show me their recent blood work before ever engaging in unprotected sex. I, like most of the population, was not aware that cold sores could give someone genital herpes, especially when the person has not had an outbreak in years. I actually got tested for HSV about a year ago because I had constant irritation while urinating and my doctor suggested that it might be herpes in the urethra, but I tested negative for HSV1 and HSV2, so I was one of those rare birds that never contracted herpes in any way up to the age of 25; and I say that because after contracting it AND THEN learning about it, I realized that up to 80% percent of the population has oral herpes and genital herpes, and im telling you that I have kissed many strangers... so the fact that I never got it is actually just pure luck.So I was a virgin in my first relationship and that relationship was a horrible learning experience for me because my bf at the time was a typical "fuckboy" and I was the typical naive girl etc.. you get the gist. After I broke up with him (finally after 4 years), I was on a rampage lol. Okay im exaggerating but I started becoming a fuckgirl myself... I mean who doesnt do that after a breakup right? (jk) (actually idk)... but I joined tinder met up with several guys and with the few of them that I had sex with I always used condoms and never performed oral sex on them, although some did on me. In any case, all of that occurred years before my HSV blood test last year, so that is what I mean by I was lucky and never contracted it. then I started seeing this older guy (a surgeon), so idk about you but doctors have a way about them that you just trust them.... well I trusted him but I still asked for his blood test which he showed me and he was negative for all STD's. Here is the tricky part. I saw that his IgM for HSV 1 and 2 were negative, which meant he did not have any acute breakouts, his IgG for HSV2 was negative meaning he had never had genital herpes, however his IgG for HSV 1 was positive. This is where I get mad at myself because I have a science degree and have worked for years in school with bacteria and viruses so if there is anyone that should know better it is me, but I didn't have a single clue about how the Herpes Simplex Virus worked. So when I questioned him about HSV 1 he told me that he contracted herpes on his mouth when he was very young in like kindergarten, and that he hasn't had outbreaks in years, and I always thought oral herpes was harmless (cuz most of us think that since no one seems to make a big deal out of that) so I didn't get alarmed or think he could give me herpes through kissing (since there was no outbreak). Moreover, it didn't even occur to me EVEN MORE that I could get it through oral sex. I also thought that because he was a surgeon that he would know more about how transmission and herpes works more than me.Anyway we do the deed, vaginal and oral sex (him to me)... then a few days later my pubic area near my vagina opening starts itching and irritating and I thought it was because there was not enough lubrication and my vagina was irritated but when I grabbed that mirror and looked, I saw a red spot that looked like a cut and I thought "hmm this is weird"... but I let it go. The following days that little red spot turned into a full on sore and then I noticed I had small clustered bumps near my vagina opening on the mucous membrane. that is when I REALLY started panicking and was 100% sure it was herpes. I went to planned parenthood, got a very painful swab of my sore, and then got positive test results. since then (which was a few days ago) I have not been feeling like myself at all. In fact, I have been feeling like a COMPLETELY different person. My anxiety is 10/10, I am slightly depressed, I feel depersonalized, I feel like a stranger in my own body and in my own family. I am so afraid now and literally paranoid that I have HIV now too even though my HIV test that I took a few days ago was negative (and the surgeon was HIV negative), I am convincing myself that the antibodies have not shown up yet which is why my HIV test was negative. I am thinking I am going to get cervical cancer now because HSV puts you more at risk for that. I am literally contemplating never sleeping with anyone ever again. I feel so disturbed, anxious, paranoid, and "diseased".I know a lot of people dont react like I do and take it lightly, but I am a HYPOCHONDRIAC and that mixed with knowing the science and mechanisms of how things work is actually a recipe for disaster because I focus on the worst case scenarios and all the exceptions. You know the saying: doctor's make the worst patients.Please if you are out there and can share your story I would be honored to read your experience with herpes and it would help me feel less of an alien/ ostracized leper. via /r/askwomenadvice https://ift.tt/30wnnoO
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